10. Writing a long-winded social media post, posting it, then realizing how many errors there are. You quickly try to edit it, but someone has already commented! You yell curse words you never knew would come out of your mouth. Then reality sinks in… They have read your error-filled post! Will they judge your books based on it? -head desk-
9. Finding a topic for a blog takeover. It’s always wonderful when someone extends an offer for a blog takeover, but the moment you accept, your mind starts spinning. What do I write? (Google, you are offering me zero help on this)… Will their readers enjoy it? (Scrolls through the blog hoping to get a hint at what their readers would like)… Is the topic overdone? (Sees the dead horse lurking)… Is the topic too sensitive or controversial? (No. Yes. Wait… No, but if I… YES!)…
8. Daily attire. Black yoga pants, t-shirt or tank top, hoodie. Good news! I’m always ready for the gym! But these are my retired gym clothes. I wear nicer stuff to the Mr. and Mrs. Olympia display at my local Buff Daddy Gym. Then a friend calls. “Hey, let’s do lunch.” You stare down at your clothing. Is that a coffee stain? Do I want to put on nicer clothes? So you ask, “Where do you want to go?” They respond with, “Where would you like to go?” I can’t even decide on real pants and you want me to decide on a restaurant?
7. The search history. I fully expect the NSA to show up any day now. Guns, knives, explosives, ways to kill someone… There are many more, but I have to keep a low profile. Is that someone pounding on my front door?
6. Time. It’s both friend and foe. Oh, look at the time. I have plenty of time. Just a few more minutes. Hey, look at tha- OH, MY GOD! I’M RUNNING OUT OF TIME! Promo. I have to get my manuscript out. Promo. Edits, promo, edits, promo, edits. Promo. I need a cover. Promo. Formatting! Promo. Order swag. Promo. Get ARCs out. Promo. Remind those who took ARCs to review after publishing! Promo. GAH! Publish. Promo. Blog tour! Promo. A signing event? Promo! Is it nap time yet?
5. Distraction. What was this post about again?
4. When you come clean and tell people you have published a book, the questions start rolling in. “Oh? What’s your book about?” Well, you know, it’s a story of two people. Okay, like, maybe a half-dozen people. Okay, more like a small community who meet on this epic journey and this thing that happens is just heartbreaking. But, you see, they… Oh, f*ck it.
3. Writing tools.
– A specific red pen that makes you feel like you can cut your printed manuscript up for the better.
– Highlighters in a variety of colors for timeline, editing, overused words, and to draw pretty flowers on the page.
– Lined paper? -snort- Quad in a spiral-bound book with one pocket, please. Oh, and the cover has to be plastic. No, not red. Black, thank you. No, wait. This is a three-subject book. I need only one-subject because all the rest are one-subject.
– The stacks of Post-It notes (Fun fact: the company has actually liked one of my tweets before) in several shapes, sizes, and colors. Because you never know when you’ll need a Post-it note almost the size of your wall.
– Laptop/desktop/phone/tablet decides to stop working and you begin praying that your work is saved somewhere else.
– A multitude of flash drives and external drives. It’s like playing a game to see which drive holds what. The winner is usually a lost one.
– Pens. You pick up a blue pen and no words flow. You pick up a purple pen and no words flow. You pick up a red pen… EDITING ONLY. You pick up a black pen and angels begin singing. Then you scream, “MUST…HAVE…ALL…THE…BLACK…PENS.”
2. Coffee. You make your first cup. -sip- Oh yes, thank you for this gift of coffee. I can now produce many words. You make your second cup of coffee. -sip- Then you realize you won’t have enough coffee for the day. You look down at your clothes…dingy, baggy yoga pants, coffee-stained t-shirt. You decide to leave a cryptic post on Facebook about what your favorite coffee drink is from Starbucks in the hopes someone drops one off to you.
Rissa Blakeley is the author of the paranormal series, Corvidae Guard, and the post-apocalypse saga, Shattered Lives, which features a paranormal twist. Her short story, A Little Taste of Naughty, was part of the best-selling anthology, Just Desserts.
As a native New Yorker, Rissa is now a Georgia transplant, who is completely addicted to black coffee, La Croix and obsessively listens to songs on repeat. Her days are full of characters screaming for more scenes, cats living up to their Harry Potter namesakes, a lazy dog, a teenage daughter bringing Emo back, and a Viking husband, who finds her puns less than funny. When Rissa isn’t writing, she can be found procrastinating on social media.